burnout.

Crap.

If I don’t get some substantial sleep soon, I’m gonna burn out. I feel it coming.

Damn you, Springtime Insomnia. Sorry to everyone who’s felt the wrath of my crankypants lately. :(

one year later.

I started this blog a year ago!

Crazy.

Facebook statuses that describe what I’ve been feeling lately:

completely, utterly, wonderfully overwhelmed with the people that have been placed in my life. beyond grateful.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.


great is Thy faithfulness; morning by morning new mercies i see!

It’s been an amazing year. Here’s to so many more! Thanks blogosphere :)

oh life.

I have 11 minutes left of my dinner break before I have to go back into work. I witnessed a DTR (for those not in the know, that acronym stands for “Defining/Determining the Relationship”) at work about 30 minutes ago and the girl looked super annoyed. Oh snap.

Life is funny like that. I was on the receiving end of this twice now in the past few months. The encounter described above seems comical but not when you, yourself, are going through it, whether it be for a friendship or something romantic. My dear friend M told me that my heart’s healed before, and it will heal again. But why does my heart have to be broken in the first place? I’ve said it before: relationships are a tricky, tricky thing. They play / mess with / deal with emotions. Sometimes relationships are truly wonderful, God-given gifts of grace. Like my friends M, S, N, A. Thankful for them; would die for them. And sometimes relationships are tough, painful, but worth it just the same.

Oh life. You are funny. But I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way.

4:47am.

Puppy woke me up at 4:47am to pee. It’s not getting old, I swear! (sarcasm) Why does he get to wake me up so early and promptly go back to sleep while leaving me awake? Nofair.

Maybe I just have to accept the fact that my old friend Insomnia likes to come visit in the springtime. Springtime insomnia, who would’ve thunk? Fall rut and springtime insomnia…two friends that I haven’t been able to shake in the past few years. I guess this lack of sleep allows for time to think and process, but sometimes I JUST WANT TO FREAKING SLEEP. I don’t even have to go into work early today….

No, but really, I actually haven’t made the time lately to write thoughtful posts on the blog. When I woke up this morning, I felt compelled to sit down on the couch and just type. I did one of these posts about a year ago (here). Early mornings are the best time for me. (Side note: oh dear, as I get older it becomes more apparent that I’m turning into my mom. Mama c covets the time she has to herself to think and sip coffee at the buttcrack of dawn. I feel like I’ll start doing the same one day.)

There’s been a lot on my mind as of late, obvi. May is always, always an eventful month – both planned and unplanned. How to begin to even verbal vomit all of it onto this blog? I don’t know if I want to just yet.

Bulletpoints, here we go. This is a snippet of what’s on my heart lately:

- Communities of warmth: I never expected to dive so deeply and be welcomed with open arms into the groups of people that I’ve met lately. It’s been an organic and wonderful thing. The unexpectedness of it all kind of overwhelms me at times. Like I didn’t deserve it. Gifts of grace.

- My wide network: One of our customers offered his business card to my boss, saying that he works for X Company. I asked him if he knew N and he was flabbergasted because they used to work on the same team. I said that I had worked for N last year. Small world? Or maybe not. I’m finding that my network of weak ties is far and wide, especially in LA, and I am grateful for it. Super grateful. The opportunities that I’ve seized, even in little things like volunteering for LA Asian Pacific American Film Festival 2013, have allowed me to meet wonderful contacts. But they’re more than just “contacts” and “resources.” They’re good, good people.

- People and their stories: The topic of “everyone has a story” came up last night over dinner. Working with and around people is never an easy thing, but my coworkers are just so awesome that it’s hard to complain. Even that one dude that doesn’t say hi to me…but that’s another story. I had forgotten that working with people is difficult, but actually serving people (customer service) is even tougher at times. There are daily reminders that mean and rude people suck. There are daily reminders that I really hate the westside (sorry westside friends! I really love the weather though!). This exposure to the “crazies” really helps give me perspective and reminds me that yes, there are crochety people out there. But everyone has a story. And you can’t discount someone’s story now because you were hurt by their behavior towards you. It’s more of me continuously learning how to grow a thick skin, yes, but it’s also remembering time and time again that there are just too many people out there hurting. They just want to be listened to, like you and me.

Wow, all my bulletpoints are about people and how they’re affecting me. As much as I like to complain, I think I like them. Thanks for reading, blogosphere. I kind of missed you. I’m going to try to take a nap now (at 5:32am).