ever wonder.

Little things led me to wondering today.

Ever wonder if a seemingly insignificant detail would result in something significant?

My inkjet printer has been leaving little splotches on my printed documents for a while now. It’s been quite annoying, and I finally hunkered down and researched how to fix it. I thought cleaning the print heads would work but I didn’t read the caveat: cleaning the print heads would absorb ink. Caution: do not clean print heads if you are low on ink.

I was low on ink. I no longer have ink to print documents. (Good thing I ordered another ink cartridge a few days ago!)

The small detail of printer ink led me to do a chore I’ve been avoiding for a while now. My teeny tiny closet has been bursting with unworn clothes, and I’ve been meaning to cull through to see if I could sell any of it. I finally did so! Subsequently and thankfully, some of my articles of clothing were bought and I happily did a jig in my head.

And then through all of this really mundane life stuff, I realized that it’s the little things and chores and duties and events that make up life. It may be boring and may not bring fulfillment, but sometimes it’s got to be done. A friend I met for lunch yesterday said, “life is too short to be stuck.” Even carrying out life’s daily tasks means moving forward.

Stupid printer (insignificant) –> realizations about life (significant). Huh.

ground level.

I’ve been reading Henry Nouwen’s The Inner Voice of Love, and I’ve been truly blessed by it. Words that bring healing are, in my humble opinion, God given. I saw this book through a friend’s Instagram picture, and that same friend said, “it’s like my heart in a book.” Love. Is it plagiarism to copy down his text here? I’m not sure, but I’ll cite the pages just in case. Here’s a few excerpts I’ve been blessed by (bold phrases are what resonate most with me):

Keep Returning to the Road to Freedom
When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. Your healing is not a straight line. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don’t say to yourself, “All is lost. I have to start all over again.” This is not true. What you have gained, you have gained.

Sometimes little things build up and make you lose ground for a moment. Fatigue, a seemingly cold remark, someone’s inability to hear you, someone’s innocent forgetfulness, which feels like rejection–when all these things come together, they can make you feel as if you are right back where you started. But try to think about it instead as being pulled off the road for a while. When you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started.

It is important not to dwell on the small moments when you feel pulled away from your progress. Try to return home, to the solid place within you, immediately. Otherwise, these moments start connecting with similar moments, and together they become powerful enough to pull you far away from the road. Try to remain alert to seemingly innocuous distractions. It is easier to return to the road when you are on the shoulder than when you are pulled all the way into a nearby swamp.

In everything, keep trusting that God is with you, that God has given you companions on the journey. Keep returning to the road to freedom. (The Inner Voice of Love, Henry Nouwen, pp. 38-39)

Let Jesus Transform You
Do not despair, thinking that you cannot change yourself after so many years. Simply enter into the presence of Jesus as you are and ask him to give you a fearless heart where he can be with you. You cannot make yourself different. Jesus came to give you a new heart, a new spirit, a new mind, and a new body. Let him transform you by his love and so enable you to receive his affection in your whole being. (The Inner Voice of Love, Henry Nouwen, p. 41)

february musings.

I haven’t done a bulletpoint post in a while. Here’s what’s on my mind lately:

- I sprained my ankle last week. It’s like I have one major injury a year, and it’s super humbling every time it happens. I had gone on a hike for two hours earlier that day, but of course I didn’t sprain it in the mountains. Instead, I stupidly tripped over myself at home. I heard a pop, pop, pop when I fell, and the result is a fatty bruise that extends from my ankle to my toes! Being immobile / limping around everywhere is frustrating, and times like these make me thankful for my good health. I really wanted to work out last week and couldn’t. Today I tried doing an arm and upper body workout but after 20 minutes, my ankle started hurting…just for standing on it during the workout. WAH. I’m also thankful that I have family members in healthcare so that I’m able to walk after just three days…but I still have discomfort.

- My sister had to get a smartphone for work today. It was a momentous occasion. I had the option to upgrade, but I will hang to my dumbphone until it dies…and then use my sister’s old dumbphone as a replacement.

- When monies start rolling in again, should I a) buy a bikram yoga package or b) invest in my Roth IRA? Grown up decisions; first world problems.

- I’m starting to get impatient.

- Friendships that fade for no good reason still make me pretty sad.

- Beers + Korean Fried Chicken + Korean tacos + extended family time this weekend was surprisingly refreshing and thoroughly enjoyable. Twas a blessing I didn’t expect.

- I’m in the market for a coffee grinder. Do y’all have any suggestions?

- Only a month until spring (my favorite time o’ year!)! The thought makes me a happier lady.

- During funemployment, everyday is a holiday. Happy President’s Day, friends!

connection.

When you have tons of time on your hands, sometimes you don’t want to spend all that time alone. It is all too easy to want to shut your brain off and isolate at home, especially when you have introvert tendencies. I decided that I didn’t want to spend all my time with puppy c at home today. My stomach is giving me issues but I craved connection, even if it was being in a coffee shop, on my own. The stimulation of people around me would maybe provide enough connection for today.

I’m currently sitting at my local Starbucks (which is sacrilege to my coffee snobbery, but I have a Starbucks card and I’m trying to save monies. So sue me. But I have to admit that a soy latte with one pump hazelnut is actually quite yummy. It’s because they use vanilla soy milk. Ugh, I digress.).

Where was I? Oh right, I’m at Starbucks. There weren’t any available tables when I first walked in, but when one opened up, a man in a suit and I were both eyeing it. I was technically first in line to get a table, but I offered to share the table with him.

“No thanks, I’m waiting for a client so we need our own table.”
Strike one.

Later on, someone asked to take the other chair at my table.
Strike two.

Shortly thereafter, an Asian girl brought over a chair and asked if she could share the table with me. She said she’d be quiet, but I didn’t mind at all. She was in her laptop the entire time, and I was on my iPad. No conversation was exchanged during the time we shared the table. She left without a word or a glance.
Strike three.

That last strike made me sad. Even at the end of us sharing a table, I craved some sense of connection, even if it was a mere acknowledgement of thanks. I guess I can’t expect much from people, and I’m overly sensitive right now. But if vulnerability in one’s life can lead to connection, interactions such as the strike three example kind of discourage me to be open with people. Albeit, this girl was a stranger. I can’t expect connection with everyone — it’s just not possible.

Connection is something I will always crave, but I especially want it today. It is attainable, but maybe it’s just a little more difficult in this technologically saturated world. When you do feel intensely connected with someone, cherish it and work at it even more.