facebook status.

5/30/2015:

first six months are the hardest, right? as i cross the three-month threshold (midway point already, woot!), this is what i’ve learned:
- i will have super mental blocks if i work seven days a week
- i am willing to pay someone to do whatever i can’t get myself to do
- i’ve learned a lot but i know i have still more to learn
- i have to give myself grace, i have to give my staff grace
- something will break everyday. and i must stay zen about it. ?#?newbizownerhazing?
- i miss weekends and my pup
- i’m proud of myself for making time to have a life outside of my small biz
- self care is very important
- accounting and HR are the worst
- i still hate phone calls
- i still will have longass fb statuses to process
- multiple chin emojis are my jam and give me much joy in life
- the people are what get me up in the morning. every single damn day.
- new mercies are what get me through. every single damn day.

burnout.

Sometimes you need to pay extra employees to have three afternoons off in a row. Because sometimes your brain has super mental blocks against super simple things. And waking up at 4:45am has stopped becoming a natural thing.

#selfcare

done.

This week. I’m so over it.

Sometimes I wanna be like fuck you and fuck off and then I realize that I’m entitled and selfish just like other people.

Can’t deal with attitude today though. Just so over it.

it’s gonna be may.

I’ve been seeing the Justin Timberlake meme all over the social mediaz today:

“IT’S GONNA BE MAY.”

And thank God it is. Who knew April would be such a crazy month? Not just for me but for a bunch of my friends & fam. There was some weird juju in the air for sure.

I love May because it’s a special month for my fam. Two birthdays, Mother’s Day, parents’ anniversary, anniversary of the day I rescued my pup. A month of celebrations.

But little did I know that this particular May would be especially insane. I have two employees quitting within the first two weeks, and I will be leaving my shop for an entire weekend by itself (under the care of one of my most trusted friends & employees). But honestly, I need that weekend off to be in nature and to be with loved ones. I’m stoked.

perspective.

4:30am alarm, barista got called into jury duty last night, working solo this morning / nobody could cover, cup broke, stupid cough, meetings and bills and emails and phone calls, fatigue, stress.

I prayed for a slow morning. And He so graciously provided…

Perspective, right? First world problems.

Please pray for Nepal.

gratitude continued.

Even though I am emotionally spent, I discussed with a few brothers who came to visit the shop today what it means to be grateful. That wallowing is dangerous but feeling your emotions is valid. That God is bigger than your emotions and that I have to actively not let my emotions consume me. That God holds your hand and sustains you during your lows, your stresses…Jesus grieves alongside you.

Even though my car repairs plus rental car totaled more than $9300, His faithfulness shows through community, support, financial providence. Blown away at the extreme kindness of others. Undeserving.

Even though I am feeling tension in relationships, I have a rescue dog who loves me with puppy eyes and cuddles. Comforted.

Even though I see more that 2000+ people a week, a lot of them are regulars and locals whom I want to invest in and truly love getting to know. Uplifted.

Even though I have to make tough business decisions, He knows my heart and He knows that I want to extend grace to others. And He is an amazing God who knows. He knows and lavishes grace on tough situations.

Even though I am in a season of painful patience and waiting, I know that I am fully known and loved. To let others lead. That me taking the initiative all the time…I’ve done enough. Encouraged.

This post is grammatically all over the place, but it is a true representation of all the thoughts, burdens, stresses, joys, feelings I’ve been holding and carrying. My life is so full and I cannot help but be grateful.